THINKING
by Bard15
Summary: A stream of conscious piece in Deeks & Callen's POV during the Comescue story arc. Just came to me when I was flipping channels and came across the episodes...


**THINKING**

a/n: I was flipping channels today and caught some of the Hetty/Comescue story arc and being a Deeks fan, noted how quiet and un-Deeks-like he was through a lot of the story arc…and this stream of consciousness just kinda came to me…its Deeks and Callen's POV…and no, I don't know if I'll write anyone else's…this is just a quickie exercise to help me with my writers block…I couldn't even come up with a decent title…

…**..NCIS LA…..**

It hit him like an epiphany…"what _the hell_ was he doing…?" He knew what he told the director, and he did mean it…but "what the hell was he doing here?"

Sure, he'd played in this "super-spy" sandbox for a few years now…seen and done things he never would have otherwise even been aware of, no matter how long he spent on the streets of LA…but he was a cop for god's sake. Trained as a cop, to fight the good fight on the mean streets of the good ol' US of A…not fly off to some remote country he wasn't even sure he could find on a map…he was literally a fish out of water…no back up, no contacts, hell, he didn't even speak the language….and why…?

For the Office of NCIS Special Projects…for "national security"…should he feel ashamed that the answer to that one was a resounding—"hell, no…!" Because, really…all the super spy need to know secrecy was just a little ridiculous and over the top for him…damn it, Hetty was missing…people were shooting at them and suspects were oozing out of the wood word….so yeah, dammit they needed to know something...anything really, because the investigation was literally spinning its wheels…

For Callen…hmm…he'd have to ponder that one some more…he respected the agent, sure…had his back for a few years…and he did feel for the guy…suddenly finding out in such a 'slap in the face' way that, yeah, he did have family…somewhere…and that some crime family wanted him dead because of it.

I mean, really, did anyone believe the director's lame assed story of mistaking Callen for someone else…everyone knew it for the lie that it was; they were a team, for god's sake…supposed to be on the same side…so why did Hunter and the Director continue with the mind games…at least on the streets, undercover, the games had a reason…here, he couldn't see one…Unless, pissing agent Callen off was a reason in itself.

Selfishly he had to wonder if he would be doing this if it was _**just**_ about the agent…because he was pretty sure the agent wouldn't give it a second thought if Deeks felt the need to go off on his own for any reason, and he was damn well sure the agent wouldn't follow him anywhere.

So, for Hetty then…he felt a great deal of respect and admiration for the woman who had not doubt seen and done more in her career with the federal government than all the James Bonds' combined. She had selected him from obscurity…he still wondered how he made to her attention with all the resources at her disposal. But he had, and from day one she had believed in him, pushed him, even when he didn't want to be pushed…made him constantly think and reevaluate himself and his choices…he decided he didn't want to lose that…couldn't lose that…if he would have walked away he would never get another chance at what he had…and what he could accomplish in the future.

He stretched cramped muscles and scanned the cabin…it was a small cramped flight they had snagged to Europe, he was pretty sure it was proved by one of Callen's contacts. In the dim pre-dawn hours he noted the team was sleeping restlessly in the dimmed cabin…he suddenly realized this was the first time he had been out of the country…hell, it was the first time he had been out of the state…the thought both left him both excited and terrified.

He remembered the looks on the faces of the team when he had shown up at the private airstrip…Kensi gave no indication she was surprised to see him, but Sam and Callen had been another story….

"Are you sure…" Callen had asked him.

"This is for real man…" Sam added.

'Really…for real, he never would have guessed…like nothing he or any of them had done up to this point accounted for anything,' He considered angrily, slightly offended that they thought he would back out…this was Hetty after all…"as sure as any of you are…" he answered simply.

Callen got that strange, inscrutable look on his face that Deeks still couldn't decipher before slowly nodding his head.

And now, hours later…in a cramped plane flying somewhere over the vast ocean he pondered his choices, and while he did believe he had made the right choice, he now had time to consider more fully the ramifications of that choice…and if he was going to be honest with himself, _he didn't_ know what he was getting himself into…only that, for better or worse, he needed to see this through; as much for Hetty's sake as his own…he needed to know for himself if Hetty's faith in him justified, did he have what it really took to be an agent…if they survived this could he make that choice…

He was pulled from his thoughts as the others started to stir…he watched Callen stretch, gaze out the window, then at his watch, before turning towards him with an appraising gaze, "another couple of hours and we'll be landing…"

Deeks just nodded and turned to look out his window, unsure what, if anything, Callen expected him to say….

**,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,**

Callen frowned as he watched the detective turn back to the window, there was something off about the man…'yeah, you mean besides the fact that he is probably just now realizing he just dropped everything to follow you half way around the world…' he criticized himself.

He had been surprised when Deeks had shown up at the airstrip…while Callen hadn't left him out… indeed, the detective had been right there in the parking lot when he had outlined his plan to Sam and Kensi…he also just never considered the detective would contemplate following the team out of the country…a move that could strip then of everything they knew and had worked for.

The agent had known when Sam and Kensi had so quickly followed him out of the mission that they had turned in their badges too. A knot formed in his gut, a mixture of fear and relief that his team would follow him anywhere: but it was quickly followed by guilt…he couldn't ask them to give up everything on this slim chance of getting Hetty out of this alive, and in so doing, maybe give him some answers to his mysterious childhood.

The argument was done before it was started. The looks on Sam and Kensi's faces louder and more

determined than any words either side could speak. They knew the score, knew what was being asked of them…knew the consequences of failure could be death…_or worse_; so, despite the guilt, he accepted their choices as freely given.

But Deeks was a different matter entirely…yes, he had worked with the team for years…but it was always on domestic cases; the detective had never been out of the country…Callen wasn't even sure the man had a passport: and despite the detectives training and extensive undercover experience, he was still a civilian…and the rules were very different on international ops…

'Why had he done it…?' Callen pondered, 'was he simply caught up in the moment…?' at that, Callen had to shake his head, 'no, the detective may seem a little too easygoing but he wasn't stupid or prone to rash decisions…' it had taken Callen over four hours to find and secure this flight and make the necessary preparations…plenty of time for one to come to their senses…'so, no, it wasn't a rash decision…'

'For Kensi…? To watch her back…?' Callen knew their 'thing' had slowly gotten more complicated, he just wasn't sure how complicated…but as Hetty had not seen fit to intervene (that he was aware) then he was definitely not going to go treading in that mine field. Was their "thing" enough for the detective to give up everything he knew on less than a maybe?

'For him…' he shook his head and had to stifle a laugh, 'no, not for him…yeah, they were team mates…and in a sense, Callen was his boss; but they were hardly what you would call friends…close co-workers, maybe…but they had not gained that level of trust he shared with Sam…or even Kensi.' For a brief moment Callen was disappointed by the thought that he may not get the chance to get to know the detective better…to say _Thank You_ for his sacrifice.

He then scowled, 'yeah, definitely not for him…' he thought back to the time or two when Deeks needed the team's back up…how it was only at Hetty's insistence that they back up the detective, least the team wouldn't have given the detective a second thought when he wasn't actively working an NCIS investigation.

So that left, for the detective, the same reason as the rest of them…Hetty. For all of her four feet of height, she was an imposing figure; with more knowledge and trade craft then the entire team combined…yet, tempered with a compassion and in-sight not often seen in veteran agents.

He knew how he saw her…didn't need Nate's psycho-babble to know that he respected the woman, not just as the exemplary agent that she was but on a more personal level…as the mother figure he never had. Callen suspected, upon finding out about Deeks past, that the detective shared similar feelings for the diminutive woman; knew it would be a blow to the detective, as himself, if anything were to befall the woman that they could have prevented.

So he accepted that Deeks was not going into this with blind impetuous…but was doing it for love…and he could accept that, and was determined then and there to see them all come out of this on the other side.

…**.NCIS LA…**

a/n: so, for something thrown together in two hours, hope it isn't too bad of a read ! sometimes these ideas just demand to be written…


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